Pain & Grief

What does pain mean to you? I’d venture to say that your definition of pain and the next person’s might differ quite considerably. Indeed we also discover a new threshold for our tolerance of pain, beyond that which we previously thought capable, when we are called to task by the circumstance of our surrounding and the demands of our journey in Life.

I even venture further to say that there are different categories of pain that can hurt equally as much as others or even more.


Having at one time or the other lost a loved one to the arms of death as I am sure all of us have experienced at least once in our lives, I remember thinking, THIS is the ultimate pain, nothing can hurt more than this, nothing can compare. And in a way, yeah nothing can compare really but that’s because the other types of pain are of totally different standings and mean a whole new playing field.


Pain can come from disappointment, that disappointment when someone you believed so much in lets you down for the first time, when something you had faith in so much doesn’t pan out. Pain when dreams don’t come true, pain when a decision you made begins to show a possibility that it may have been the wrong one and you are forced to live with the circumstances.


I find myself asking the question, How do you deal with Pain? From any angle? Talking to a few friends about this similar topic brought about the realization that pain can bring about some unexpected and undesired results and side effects, depression, anxiety and many others.


So how then does one begin to avoid the myriad of diseases, mental, emotional and social scars of pain? Pain can cause one to be so secluded and self conscious up to the point where one puts up walls of amour that inadvertently may harm or push away their support structure which ironically is what they may need as an antidote to the circumstances they face.


Our biggest fear as humans is not failure but the admission of failure and the admission of needing someone else, which becomes our nemesis when we really DO need the help to get through. Pain brings with it grief, and a burden to carry that eventually becomes heavy to carry and the only way out is through it. The worst one can do is to avoid or try to skirt the problem or worse off even denying they are in pain.

On the hand of those with friends and family with pain…..How do you deal with your loved one’s pain? I remember at one point someone close to me lost their mother and I remember feeling so helpless, not knowing what exactly to say, what to do, whether to stop them from crying, or let them cry it out! There is no denying that comforting someone in pain or grieving is like walking through a minefield with no idea which parts are triggered for explosion. On the one hand you want them to cry it out and vent their frustration, on the other you want to stop them from crying so violently and excessively that they may fall ill or may go past the tipping point. Needless to say that there is no Instruction Manual to life, let alone to such situations and you are left tip-toeing around unchartered territory with no guarantee of the results. You can be through a 100 similar situations but that’s the thing, “similar” not identical, the same approach to the pain of a loved one may not equate to the same response with the next one.


I wish I did, or at least someone out there, had the answers to how to deal with pain but unfortunately I don’t know any such person and God knows I’m still learning to deal with my own pain, after all as the age old adage says “….It demands to be felt”


What are your thoughts? How does one deal with Pain or help someone in Pain? I’d love to know…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s