Ever been in a situation where you cannot believe where circumstances have led you? And you try to convince yourself to let go and move on? Then you fail? Yet everyone seems to be telling you to let go? Be it in love, business endeavors, school, this situation is not unique to one aspect.
The truth about letting go is that it is not as easy as just any two simple words is it? The fact is that the things we find hardest to let go are those that we have invested so much time effort and sweat into. But it is also those things which are probably not good for us, not that we accept it anyway after all we are humans, notoriously stubborn creatures by nature.
I recently had to help a friend let go of something they had held onto for a long time and this got me thinking why it is always so hard to let go, even of things that we see are not good for us?
I do not promise to have the answers nor the formula but I am going to simply walk you through my thought process.
I found myself having to answer some questions in introspection. Do we sometimes fail to let go because we are afraid it will attest to us failing? Sometimes failing to accept defeat in one thing and moving on to another is, in itself, a defeatist attitude and approach. Yet we often do not realise that letting go is a sign of the opposite, greatness! Reading through the success stories of many of the big players in today’s world, particularly in Tech (cause if you did not know that’s my field of concentration) I am more than convinced that letting go is not failure but rehearsal for success. Look at either Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, Robert Kiwosaki and Alibaba’s Jack Ma. All these so called great men of today talk of more than one scenario in which they would fail and yet they carried on and remained determined to reach their goal. Instead they advise that the trick to momentary defeat is learning the lesson you are supposed to learn to avoid the same mistake again and then refocus your efforts towards the end target, mindful to avoid the same pitfalls. This does not mean letting go of your dream it means accepting that you will have to achieve your dream by other means.
Now let’s move on from business scenarios to a situation which we all have had at one point or the other., LOVE. Sad as it is to admit or to acknowledge for any of us, at one point or another we have found ourselves in situations where we have invested our time and effort and emotions into a relationship with someone who eventually took it for granted. The sad thing being that unfortunately because we are more than 100% invested in it, we ignore the initial warning signals that spell the looming disaster and even later on when the disaster strikes we still try to rationalize the outcome, accuse ourselves, defend the person even when the rest of the world says otherwise. Somehow we remain holding on to the picture perfect image of the relationship of long ago that we possess and have a stubborn hope that maybe, just maybe, if we keep holding on their attitude will change, their behavior will change, they will finally begin to treat us like we deserve. This is despite the fact that the truth of their unchanging nature stares us straight in the face.
We want to see the best in people and somehow even when they disappoint us we still have a hope of their redemption. Now this may be true, people can change, they may finally see the light and act right, but who’s to say when that will be? And in that regard why put your life on hold? your happiness the sacrifice? Your joy the price to pay for their blindness and for taking you for granted and hoping you do stick around.
Without realizing it, we make our lives the scapegoat for the actions of other people, even in friendships. we have abusive friends who always want to exploit us for their needs, friends that pop up only when they have need to use and abuse us otherwise they are nowhere to be seen and soon after they are gone with the proverbial wind! At times we put ourselves in the position where we feel that if we left or walked away from an abusive friendship we are somehow being unfair and unloving. Yet often we are such social creatures that crave attention up to the point we forget that it is not a crime to want more, to know your worth, to know that your friendship is worth much more value than that simple text you get only to elicit favor. Quite frankly those are called friendships by convenience more than anything else.
It takes a lot of courage and strength to be able to admit when something Is not working and it is time to move on to something else. Honestly it is scary, change after all is never easy. However, I dare you to try and let go one thing at a time and see if you are not better off. Sometimes the long awaited breakthrough is hidden behind that which you are refusing to let go. If you don’t value yourself well enough to know your worth and let go of that which holds you back, you commit the greatest crime you could ever have done against yourself. And until you realize it, don’t expect everyone else to.